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| photo credit @chantalechan |
Adulterer, liar, selfish, temperamental, and cheater are the words that described that poor lost little girl, I was. Now, I strive to be a woman of God and most importantly a Proverbs 31 Woman. A lot of people in my past, cannot stomach the idea of using my name and woman of God in the same sentence. I mean, can you blame them! We are talking about a woman, who broke the covenant of her marriage, in pursuit of temporary fillers from a man. A woman, who disregarded how this would affect her husband and kid. A woman who told her husband "to get over it", as if finding out your spouse is cheating on you , is like forgetting to pick up milk at the grocery store.To justify my sins, I said to my myself, it is ok to seek another mans attention because I was being neglected by my husband and being physically abused. But failed, to tell people , that I also had a temper problem since the age of 10 years old and I also failed to tell people ,that I played a factor as well, as to why my marriage failed. I failed to tell people, how I had a selfish nature and how I justified me being right to disrespect my in laws. Human nature have a tendency of telling one side of the story, because deep down inside we want people to sympathize with us. Deep down in inside, we want them to take our side, because honestly ,nobody wants to be known as a selfish, insensitive adulterer.
Writing this, is very hard for me, because I feel naked. But, it makes no sense to start a journey like this and not be transparent and authentic. My hope is , the Lord uses me to bring encouragement to someone that feels, they have done too much wrong for the Lord to love them or forgive them. Or hopefully, my experience can stop a man/woman from making the same mistakes I made. If God can give an adulterer a second chance. If God can forgive me of my sins, he can do the same for you.
Even though I was raised in the church, I did not become a real Christian until recently. I was a practice sinner , who has now become a repentance sinner. Sometimes, I think of things I have done in the past, the people I have hurt along the way and I am disgusted with myself. What brings me hope and encouragement is my Lord Jesus Christ. I know , he has forgiven me, so I have forgiven myself.
I have also come to the conclusion that the fleshly nature, will never make sense out of God using someone like me, because logically, it makes no sense. I have realized when God does not share his plan for you with people, it is not my responsibility to spend the rest of my life, defending or proving my restoration. I understand how the flesh operates, I know it is hard to accept how God can use a mess like me, but at the same time, I have to let my actions and my journey speak for it self.
I cannot promise perfection, but I can promise that I will be authentic and transparent. I am a imperfect Christian who rocks, because she knows she's imperfect and does not pretend otherwise. The imperfection, does not make me rock, the honesty does.
John 8
ReplyDeleteNew American Standard Bible (NASB)
The Adulterous Woman
8 But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2 Early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people were coming to Him; and He sat down and began to teach them. 3 The scribes and the Pharisees *brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court, 4 they *said to Him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. 5 Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?” 6 They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground. 7 But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. 10 Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” 11 She said, “No one, [a]Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.”]